The Distorted Masculine Mystique:

How our culture supports a modern social tragedy

By Fred Crimi

Recent circus-like events surrounding the football superstar Terrell Owens make it painful to listen to talk radio and watch TV. The most recent event, his apparent attempt to do self-harm, has gained extreme media attention and exposes the man’s confused and painful life. The lack of sensitivity to a man’s probable mental health problem speaks to how little progress we seem to be making as a society in understanding mental illness. Equally important, and very telling, is the exposure of the major distortion that our culture supports about what it is to be a man, and how we define masculinity.

Here are the rings in the circus. In ring number one we see a man who represents the elite athlete. In our culture sports figures have become substitute male role models. If boys and men do not have an active and involved father or healthy male mentors, as is the case far too often, sports figures become that male model for success. Terrell’s success on the field does not speak to his stature as a man, nor does it provide a true understanding of masculinity. It does nothing to teach boys or men about the healthy journey to becoming a man. Yet we are led to believe he is a real man.

Ring number two has to do with the distorted and overblown coverage by the med ia. This is a tragic commentary about our culture because, as the media onslaught documents, we appear consumed with the job of selling sensationalism without regard to value and content. Worse yet, it is very sad for men and their struggle to become conscious. The over- the- top media coverage reinforces the belief that Terrell Owens represents someone we are supposed to emulate. There is nothing about this man that is worthy of emulation. Men in our patriarchal society do not need emotionally disturbed and emotionally disconnected men held up as role models.

The third ring in this circus has to do with how mental illness and the pursuit of mental health are treated. Instead of acknowledging the seriousness of his condition and the value of counseling, we find ourselves lost in lies, deception and denial. From a clinical perspective, without the benefit of an in-depth, face-to-face interview, a mental health practitioner could guess, at the very least, that this man suffers from serious emotional problems and, at the extreme, has a personality disorder. A reading of the DSM-IV, Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders Fourth Edition, points to any one of three Axis II diagnoses. Narcissistic, Histrionic, and Borderline Disorder come to mind. What has been made public about his past behavior as a professional football player provides anecdotal evidence about his disturbance. Reports about his unhealthy fathering and disturbed family of origin point to developmental disturbances. This further supports the possible existence of a mental health problem. Finally, his most recent attempt to do harm to himself, as reported by police and first responders in Texas, also supports a reasonable belief that this man is in a lot of emotional pain. Denial, which represents apparent shame about the emotional condition of this man, only makes his problem worse.

So we are treated to the circus of denial, enabling, and exploitation. Owens undoubtedly will pay a severe price as his life unfolds. That will be tragic. Also tragic will be the reinforcing of an ethic which does not value the struggle of men to become men. We are still consumed by cultural values that are shame-based and support men’s being disconnected from their feelings. Susan Faludi in her book Stiffed has described this condition as “modern social tragedy.”

Fred Crimi is a licensed clinical social worker, providing psychotherapy for adult men, woman and couples. With 36 years of diverse professional experience working in the mental health field, he is able to assist individuals and couples to understand and change behavior. more>>>>

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